As I ease ever closer to the 40 year old mark, I notice more and more changes in my body. Changes that embarass and aggravate me to no end. Hair on the chin? Okay, I can deal with that. I fought through it though- Valiantly!! I went through the tourture of electrolisis and laser hair removal that ended with an extreme case of folliculitis and me looking like an itchy pus filled version of the Godfather. But I digress...
The latest travesty that I have been afflicted with is GAS. Bloating, Cramping, Un-Godly Flatulence. My doctor has placed me on a medication called Metformin to help regulate my monthly flow. Or as I like to call it Satan's Pill of Doom. The side effects of this medication are explosive to say the least.
Imagine...IMAGINE talking to someone and then it hits you. I am talking going from 1st to 5th gear immediately. No warning. Uhhh.... Uhhhh. That old jingle, "Gotta go, Gotta Go.. GOTTA GO RIGHT NOW!"- takes on a whole new meaning. The doctor wants me to take this Devil pill 3 times a day. I have barely worked up to 2 pills a day. Ugh. Sometimes you gamble and win...and sometimes you shower. Yeah... I know.
Yesterday, I made the supreme mistake of eating brussell sprouts. They are healthy and I wanted a vegetable. I ate an entire 10 oz frozen bag of brussell sprouts with my turkey sandwich at lunch. They were tasty...soo good. I munched them down in like 5 minutes. I HAD NO EARTHLY IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING TO MY BODY. I didn't know that I would continue to suffer as the afternoon became evening and the evening became night. But suffer I did, suffer I do...
I went to a 7:45 movie last night. (It's Complicated with Meryly Streep and Alec Baldwin- LOVED IT!!!) I could not get comfortable in my seat and they had us packed in there like sardines. My belly had expanded by monstrous proportions over my new jeans. My hands rested uncomfortably on top of my huge pregnant like abdomen. I was soo bloated that I thought I would start floating away like a large balloon.
After the movie and when I got home, I finally found some relief. I didn't care who heard me. If Brad Pitt had been standing there wanting to ravish me...It would not have mattered.
Note to self- Never eat that many brussel sprouts in such a short time period again! Ever! Never EVER!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Xmas Snow
Our part of the world was what you might call dumped on over the Christmas weekend. My driveway was cleared by my dad on the 25th with his snowblower and then again on the 26th by my neighbor and his trusty bobcat. I would guess that a total of 9" piled up at my house and it drifted about two feet high on my front porch. I enjoy the snow so it was no big deal for me, in fact, Please sir, can I have some more?
On Saturday I drove 20 miles into the next county without any trouble but when I tried to get into one of the neighborhoods less than a mile from my house I got stuck. I was trying to pick The Kid up from a friends house. I knew it was going to be bad over there and made him walk a block from his buddy's house to meet me, the whole time thinking how clever I was to avoid the trouble down hill. Ha ha. It took two snow shovels and three teenagers to free Klaus from the icy grip of this frozen hell of a subdivision. My tax dollars at work. Sheesh.
Anyway, we all had a great holiday and everyone was happy with their haul, especially The Kid. He was rather disappointed to wake up at our house to a stocking full of candy bars and goofy flavored soda pop but it was all better when he got to my mom's house and unwrapped his new laptop. Seriously, he should know by now that you have to wait for grandma's house before you see the real goods.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Adventures in a MRI and Pain Killers
The story starts two weeks ago. Bubble Girl that is me aka Tofurkey, was mopping the floor and slipped on the wet floor. Apparently you shouldn’t mop in really fuzzy socks with no traction. My right leg went out from under me and twisted like a pretzel before I landed on my knee. A few minutes later after realizing I didn’t break my leg off I slowly sat up and crawled to the stairs and used them as leverage to stand up. I was able to stand and walk in pain, but I figured it would be fine.
So my knee hurt off and on and I continued to ignore it. I could walk so I was fine right? Well a few days before Christmas my family has Christmas dinner because my parents were going to be out of town on Christmas day. The day before everyone comes over I am running up and down the four flights of stairs inside my house cleaning, cooking, picking up, etc. My knee hurt so badly that night I couldn’t sleep. The next day my family is over and we are having a grand ole time. I sit Indian style on the floor next to my niece and start handing out presents. About 5 minutes sitting like that I stretch my leg out and it pops like an M-80 going off.
My sister-in-law looks at me and says, “Was that your knee or did something blow up in the kitchen?”
Me: “It was my knee I hurt it a week ago and it is popping and hurting.” I explain how I hurt it and then everyone starts telling me I need to go to the doctor. So Hot Carl makes me promise in front of the whole family to go to the doctor next week. Everyone goes home and we clean up and I put a reminder in my phone to call the doc in the morning.
I show up for my doctor appointment and have the doctor pull really hard on my knee, push it left, right, up and down, and then sits on my foot and pulls against my knee to see where it hurts. She is 90% sure I have just sprained it and it will take a while to heal. Gives me a prescription for pain killers and tells me to stay off it as much as I can, and also that she wants to get an MRI of the knee to make sure I didn’t tear the MCL basically a ligament in my knee.
So the referral nurse makes an appointment for me at the Hospital Imaging Center for Christmas Eve Day. The hospital is short staffed that day due to the holiday and I am an hour late getting back to the MRI machine. No biggie I am off for the day and I have a book with me. The nurse walks me back and tells me to take off my pants and undies and hands me scrubs to put on. I disrobe and go to put the scrub pants on and notice they are about two sizes too small, but I squeeze my lard ass into them; and I look like a sausage about to explode.
I walk out to the machine and get on the table. She grabs a blanket out of a microwave type unit and throws it over me because it is COLD in there. She wraps a plastic thing around my knee for the pictures I assume and gives me headphones to put on. She said she can offer me a FM station so I ask for JACKFM. She loads me into the machine and says the headphone should drown out most of the noise and not to move at all during the 20 minute procedure.
I put my headphones and wait for the music. The first song is the “Boys are Back in Town”. I hate the song there are not enough words to describe how much I hate this song. But I stay still and listen and then hear the MRI machine kick on. It is the loudest noise I have ever heard. It went DA BOOM, DA BOOM, DA BOOM, WHIRR, WHIRR, WHIRR and I think I am in a nuclear reactor. I can see why people flip out in these things. Then silence, then nuclear reactor, then silence, then nuclear reactor, you get the idea.
I go back to listening to the headphones and thank God there are now playing commercials. A few minutes later a Crack Head version of Jingle Bells comes on, then more commercials, then the DJ’s rambling about their day, and finally I song I like. Stone Temple Pilots, now that is my speed. I start getting into the song and the nurse says. “OK all done, you can get dressed and leave. You will have the results next week sometime.”
Sure finish during the good song. So I go peel the scrub off, get dressed and leave.
I get home and take a pain pill and start wrapping presents. I make southwest egg rolls and bacon wrapped little smokies to take to the in-laws that night for Christmas Eve dinner. We arrive and go inside. I carry the food in and Hot Carl and one of my brother-in-laws goes outside to get the presents. I take the cover of dish with the egg rolls and notice that they didn’t brown, hadn’t noticed until then. I know I put them in the oven and cooked them for 45 mins, and then realized I made them from scratch and you have to fry egg rolls to get them to brown. I assure everyone they are done, just not brown. They really were done and tasted great, they were just white. Oh well.
I go back to the front room and put the packages under the tree and notice one is missing. I ask the boys to go look outside and they can’t find it. I then go look and cannot find it. I decide I left one at home and feel horrible. Well at least it is the 3 year olds and he wouldn’t remember. So I tell his mom I will bring it to him later and all is good.
We eat dinner, including the white anemic looking egg rolls, and then start opening presents. My niece unwraps the present we bought her and finds another wrapped present inside with her brother’s name on it. She holds it up and yells, "I found Brendan’s present it was wrapped inside of my present."
My Brother-in-law looks at me and without missing a beat, “Can I have some of the pain killers you're on?”
Wow I only took one pain killer and apparently forgot how to cook and wrap presents.
Oh and I couldn’t find the scotch tape while I was wrapping the presents so I used box tape to wrap the presents and thought this will be ok.
I have been off the pain killers since yesterday and realize what a nut job I was Christmas Eve. Who knows what else we will find around the house that I did while on the pain killers. Oh well. Merry Christmas to All and I’ll update you on what the Nuclear Reactor (MRI) picture says.
So my knee hurt off and on and I continued to ignore it. I could walk so I was fine right? Well a few days before Christmas my family has Christmas dinner because my parents were going to be out of town on Christmas day. The day before everyone comes over I am running up and down the four flights of stairs inside my house cleaning, cooking, picking up, etc. My knee hurt so badly that night I couldn’t sleep. The next day my family is over and we are having a grand ole time. I sit Indian style on the floor next to my niece and start handing out presents. About 5 minutes sitting like that I stretch my leg out and it pops like an M-80 going off.
My sister-in-law looks at me and says, “Was that your knee or did something blow up in the kitchen?”
Me: “It was my knee I hurt it a week ago and it is popping and hurting.” I explain how I hurt it and then everyone starts telling me I need to go to the doctor. So Hot Carl makes me promise in front of the whole family to go to the doctor next week. Everyone goes home and we clean up and I put a reminder in my phone to call the doc in the morning.
I show up for my doctor appointment and have the doctor pull really hard on my knee, push it left, right, up and down, and then sits on my foot and pulls against my knee to see where it hurts. She is 90% sure I have just sprained it and it will take a while to heal. Gives me a prescription for pain killers and tells me to stay off it as much as I can, and also that she wants to get an MRI of the knee to make sure I didn’t tear the MCL basically a ligament in my knee.
So the referral nurse makes an appointment for me at the Hospital Imaging Center for Christmas Eve Day. The hospital is short staffed that day due to the holiday and I am an hour late getting back to the MRI machine. No biggie I am off for the day and I have a book with me. The nurse walks me back and tells me to take off my pants and undies and hands me scrubs to put on. I disrobe and go to put the scrub pants on and notice they are about two sizes too small, but I squeeze my lard ass into them; and I look like a sausage about to explode.
I walk out to the machine and get on the table. She grabs a blanket out of a microwave type unit and throws it over me because it is COLD in there. She wraps a plastic thing around my knee for the pictures I assume and gives me headphones to put on. She said she can offer me a FM station so I ask for JACKFM. She loads me into the machine and says the headphone should drown out most of the noise and not to move at all during the 20 minute procedure.
I put my headphones and wait for the music. The first song is the “Boys are Back in Town”. I hate the song there are not enough words to describe how much I hate this song. But I stay still and listen and then hear the MRI machine kick on. It is the loudest noise I have ever heard. It went DA BOOM, DA BOOM, DA BOOM, WHIRR, WHIRR, WHIRR and I think I am in a nuclear reactor. I can see why people flip out in these things. Then silence, then nuclear reactor, then silence, then nuclear reactor, you get the idea.
I go back to listening to the headphones and thank God there are now playing commercials. A few minutes later a Crack Head version of Jingle Bells comes on, then more commercials, then the DJ’s rambling about their day, and finally I song I like. Stone Temple Pilots, now that is my speed. I start getting into the song and the nurse says. “OK all done, you can get dressed and leave. You will have the results next week sometime.”Sure finish during the good song. So I go peel the scrub off, get dressed and leave.
I get home and take a pain pill and start wrapping presents. I make southwest egg rolls and bacon wrapped little smokies to take to the in-laws that night for Christmas Eve dinner. We arrive and go inside. I carry the food in and Hot Carl and one of my brother-in-laws goes outside to get the presents. I take the cover of dish with the egg rolls and notice that they didn’t brown, hadn’t noticed until then. I know I put them in the oven and cooked them for 45 mins, and then realized I made them from scratch and you have to fry egg rolls to get them to brown. I assure everyone they are done, just not brown. They really were done and tasted great, they were just white. Oh well.
I go back to the front room and put the packages under the tree and notice one is missing. I ask the boys to go look outside and they can’t find it. I then go look and cannot find it. I decide I left one at home and feel horrible. Well at least it is the 3 year olds and he wouldn’t remember. So I tell his mom I will bring it to him later and all is good.
We eat dinner, including the white anemic looking egg rolls, and then start opening presents. My niece unwraps the present we bought her and finds another wrapped present inside with her brother’s name on it. She holds it up and yells, "I found Brendan’s present it was wrapped inside of my present."
My Brother-in-law looks at me and without missing a beat, “Can I have some of the pain killers you're on?”
Wow I only took one pain killer and apparently forgot how to cook and wrap presents.
Oh and I couldn’t find the scotch tape while I was wrapping the presents so I used box tape to wrap the presents and thought this will be ok.
I have been off the pain killers since yesterday and realize what a nut job I was Christmas Eve. Who knows what else we will find around the house that I did while on the pain killers. Oh well. Merry Christmas to All and I’ll update you on what the Nuclear Reactor (MRI) picture says.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Aforementioned Goofiness
There's going to be some odd stuff going on around here while I attempt to update the blog layout. So far I have not managed to break anything, it just looks weird because stuff is not lining up right for me. And I've got copy running over the image on the sides. If someone who happens to be reading this can offer up some assistance (or knows some people who know some people who can fix a web template) PLEASE contact me. Seriously, I need some help.
UPDATE:
I have a friend tweaking things, she's pretty brilliant. And Hussy Tofurkey has a pal on the case too, things are looking better around here already. This guy's a genius!
Gym Brats
Shortly after Trophy Husband left for Egypt the Kid and I joined the YMCA. The membership is actually free because of TH's deployment. There is however one catch, we have to use the gym 8 times a month. That's only fair. It makes sense that the Army doesn't want to keep paying the bill if I'm sitting home on the couch watching Lost.
Eight times doesn't sound like a lot, but it can be hard to get done, especially when I can only get the kid to come once a week if I'm lucky. Back in September I was out of town twice and there was a holiday. And I was playing both volleyball and softball. We just made our eight trips that month and two of those were from me stopping at the gym on my way to something else and just swiping my membership card. December is shaping up to be September all over again. I haven't been out of town but it's been REALLY STINKIN' COLD lately, incase you hadn't noticed, and when it's 9 degrees outside all I want to do is hibernate. And there's that pesky holiday problem coming up again at the end of this week.
Monday of last week I hit the Y like I do on most Monday's (may as well, the day's already ruined, right?) except I went right after work instead of waiting until about an hour after dinner. The Y was pretty busy at that time but that's not what surprised me. I was surprised by the fact that two-thirds of the cardio machines (stationary bikes, treadmills and ellipticals) were occupied by kids who were clearly under the age of 10. Two of them did appear to be using the equipment for it's intended purpose but the other three were just doing what kids do, goofing off.
The Y's not a big place, but there were still a few machines open so I was able to get my workout done without strangling anyone's precocious little sprout. But seriously, what could these kids be "working off"? The Happy Meal they had at lunch? The stress of the day's big spelling test? The frustration of a playground altercation? I'm pretty sure these kids were only out on the exercise floor because the day care area is "for babies." The Kid is 15 and he does workout, sort of. When he's finished (or more appropriately, has quit) he sits down in the waiting area and watches TV until I'm ready to go. He doesn't play on the machines.
This is really unfair to the other members of the gym (if I were paying for it you can believe they'd be getting a phone call from me) and the staff who are put into the position of keeping an eye on these kids while they occupy the machines. Can you imagine being the 22 year old manning the front desk and being asked by a member to run little Johnny off of the elliptical because his mom is too absorbed in The Real Housewives of Orange County to take out her ear-buds and say something to him? Or God forbid, having to rescue one when he gets bucked off the treadmill. Come on people!
Eight times doesn't sound like a lot, but it can be hard to get done, especially when I can only get the kid to come once a week if I'm lucky. Back in September I was out of town twice and there was a holiday. And I was playing both volleyball and softball. We just made our eight trips that month and two of those were from me stopping at the gym on my way to something else and just swiping my membership card. December is shaping up to be September all over again. I haven't been out of town but it's been REALLY STINKIN' COLD lately, incase you hadn't noticed, and when it's 9 degrees outside all I want to do is hibernate. And there's that pesky holiday problem coming up again at the end of this week.
Monday of last week I hit the Y like I do on most Monday's (may as well, the day's already ruined, right?) except I went right after work instead of waiting until about an hour after dinner. The Y was pretty busy at that time but that's not what surprised me. I was surprised by the fact that two-thirds of the cardio machines (stationary bikes, treadmills and ellipticals) were occupied by kids who were clearly under the age of 10. Two of them did appear to be using the equipment for it's intended purpose but the other three were just doing what kids do, goofing off.
The Y's not a big place, but there were still a few machines open so I was able to get my workout done without strangling anyone's precocious little sprout. But seriously, what could these kids be "working off"? The Happy Meal they had at lunch? The stress of the day's big spelling test? The frustration of a playground altercation? I'm pretty sure these kids were only out on the exercise floor because the day care area is "for babies." The Kid is 15 and he does workout, sort of. When he's finished (or more appropriately, has quit) he sits down in the waiting area and watches TV until I'm ready to go. He doesn't play on the machines.
This is really unfair to the other members of the gym (if I were paying for it you can believe they'd be getting a phone call from me) and the staff who are put into the position of keeping an eye on these kids while they occupy the machines. Can you imagine being the 22 year old manning the front desk and being asked by a member to run little Johnny off of the elliptical because his mom is too absorbed in The Real Housewives of Orange County to take out her ear-buds and say something to him? Or God forbid, having to rescue one when he gets bucked off the treadmill. Come on people!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Why do our Brain’s go There?
I wonder, am I the only person that sees random things and wonders about them. Does everyone have one of those moments when you see something and your brain goes a whole different way than a normal person’s would go?
Example 1:
The other day I was walking in the parking lot at work and I saw one lonely shoe and a rubber surgical glove. Do I think: “Oh that is just trash?” No. I think, “Oh a serial killer was here and dropped his victims shoe and one of his gloves.” Better get Grissim out here STAT.
Example 2:
I was in the Burger King drive through with my cat. (No I’m not a crazy cat lady. We’re selling our house and when we have a showing we take the cat with us when we leave so she will not escape or get locked in a closet. I digress.) Anyway I was in the Burger King drive through with my cat and the funployee ask, “Is that a cat?”
I wanted to answer, “No it is a baby giraffe.” But I did not. I said “Yes it is a cat.” I wonder what would have happened if I would have said it was a baby giraffe. He would have probably rounded up the other funployees and made them come look at the baby giraffe that looked amazingly like a super fuzzy Himalayan.
Example 3:
Do they teach math in school anymore? When I hand some funployee $13.13 because the bill is $12.63 they look at me like I’ve lost my mind. I then say, “Trust me, you will owe me $0.50.” They plug the numbers into the cash register and ask, “How did you do that?” Me, “Magic, it was Magic and I am a Witch. No really it was basic subtraction.”
Really, is it just me or do other people see stuff like this and want to say the things I want to say?
Example 1:
The other day I was walking in the parking lot at work and I saw one lonely shoe and a rubber surgical glove. Do I think: “Oh that is just trash?” No. I think, “Oh a serial killer was here and dropped his victims shoe and one of his gloves.” Better get Grissim out here STAT.
Example 2:
I was in the Burger King drive through with my cat. (No I’m not a crazy cat lady. We’re selling our house and when we have a showing we take the cat with us when we leave so she will not escape or get locked in a closet. I digress.) Anyway I was in the Burger King drive through with my cat and the funployee ask, “Is that a cat?”
I wanted to answer, “No it is a baby giraffe.” But I did not. I said “Yes it is a cat.” I wonder what would have happened if I would have said it was a baby giraffe. He would have probably rounded up the other funployees and made them come look at the baby giraffe that looked amazingly like a super fuzzy Himalayan.
Example 3:
Do they teach math in school anymore? When I hand some funployee $13.13 because the bill is $12.63 they look at me like I’ve lost my mind. I then say, “Trust me, you will owe me $0.50.” They plug the numbers into the cash register and ask, “How did you do that?” Me, “Magic, it was Magic and I am a Witch. No really it was basic subtraction.”
Really, is it just me or do other people see stuff like this and want to say the things I want to say?
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Ribbon Cookies & Chocolate Chip Shortbread Logs
Every year, I bake for my friends and family. I love to give the cookies away as gifts. My picky eating, always complaining brother asks me daily during the month of December if I have started baking. My husband takes a huge platter to work. I take them with us to Christmas parties.
I make anywhere between 8-10 different types of cookies. -Usually doubling the recipe batch. I always make these Ribbon Cookies and Chocolate Chip Shortbread Logs. I got the Ribbon Cookies from a Taste of Home Recipe about 8 years ago and I can't tell you where I got the Shortbread Logs. I have just been making them forever. =)
Ribbon Cookies
1 c. Butter (No Substitutions)
1/2 C. Sugar
1 Egg
1 t. Vanilla Extract
2 1/4 C. All-Purpose Flour
1/2 t. Baking Powder
1/4 t. Salt
1/2 c. Jam- I use Raspberry, Blackberry, Strawberry Rhubarb and Lemon Curd
Cream butter and sugar. Add in egg and vanilla. In separate bowl add flour, salt and baking powder. Slowly add to butter mixture. Divide dough into 4 equal pieces. Shape each portio ninto a 10 inch by 2 1/2 inch log. Place 4 inches apart on foil lined pan. Make a 1/2 inch depression down the center of the log. Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes. Fill Depression with your favorite jam. Bake another 10-15 minutes or until slightly browned. Cool for 2 minutes. Remove to cutting board and cut into 3/4 inch slices. (It is important to do this while the cookies are still warm.)
Glaze
1 C. Confectioners Sugar
2 T. Milk
1/2 t. vanilla
Mix together. Drizzle over warm cookies. Let Cool.
Chocolate Chip Shortbread Logs
1 C. Butter, Softened
1/2 c. Confectioners Sugar, sifted
2 C. All-Purpose Flour
1 t. Vanilla
2 C. Mini Chocolate Chips
1 T. Shortening
1 C. Nuts, Crushed (Pecans, Walnuts, Almonds) Optional
Cream butter and sugar til smooth. Stir in vanilla. Incorporate flour and add 1 cup of chocolate chips. Form dough into logs- 1/2 inch by 2 inches. Place on parchment or foil lined cookie sheet. Cook for 10-13 minutes. Let cookie cool completely on sheet as shortbread can be brittle.
Melt remaining chocolate chips and shortening over double boiler. Dip end of cookie into mixture then roll in nuts. Place on waxed paper and let cool. I usually dip half in chocolate and half in chocolate and then roll in nuts.
Merry Christmas Everybody! Enjoy. =)
I make anywhere between 8-10 different types of cookies. -Usually doubling the recipe batch. I always make these Ribbon Cookies and Chocolate Chip Shortbread Logs. I got the Ribbon Cookies from a Taste of Home Recipe about 8 years ago and I can't tell you where I got the Shortbread Logs. I have just been making them forever. =)
Ribbon Cookies
1 c. Butter (No Substitutions)
1/2 C. Sugar
1 Egg
1 t. Vanilla Extract
2 1/4 C. All-Purpose Flour
1/2 t. Baking Powder
1/4 t. Salt
1/2 c. Jam- I use Raspberry, Blackberry, Strawberry Rhubarb and Lemon Curd
Cream butter and sugar. Add in egg and vanilla. In separate bowl add flour, salt and baking powder. Slowly add to butter mixture. Divide dough into 4 equal pieces. Shape each portio ninto a 10 inch by 2 1/2 inch log. Place 4 inches apart on foil lined pan. Make a 1/2 inch depression down the center of the log. Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes. Fill Depression with your favorite jam. Bake another 10-15 minutes or until slightly browned. Cool for 2 minutes. Remove to cutting board and cut into 3/4 inch slices. (It is important to do this while the cookies are still warm.)
Glaze
1 C. Confectioners Sugar
2 T. Milk
1/2 t. vanilla
Mix together. Drizzle over warm cookies. Let Cool.
Chocolate Chip Shortbread Logs
1 C. Butter, Softened
1/2 c. Confectioners Sugar, sifted
2 C. All-Purpose Flour
1 t. Vanilla
2 C. Mini Chocolate Chips
1 T. Shortening
1 C. Nuts, Crushed (Pecans, Walnuts, Almonds) Optional
Cream butter and sugar til smooth. Stir in vanilla. Incorporate flour and add 1 cup of chocolate chips. Form dough into logs- 1/2 inch by 2 inches. Place on parchment or foil lined cookie sheet. Cook for 10-13 minutes. Let cookie cool completely on sheet as shortbread can be brittle.
Melt remaining chocolate chips and shortening over double boiler. Dip end of cookie into mixture then roll in nuts. Place on waxed paper and let cool. I usually dip half in chocolate and half in chocolate and then roll in nuts.
Merry Christmas Everybody! Enjoy. =)
Friday, December 18, 2009
A New Tradition - Mini Cheesecakes
I just found this recipe last weekend on one of my alltime favorite recipe sites, Allrecipes.com.
They were an absolute hit and just the right amount of sweet after a big Christmas meal with family. AND… you can mix it up and play with the flavors all you want.
Mini Cheesecake Bites
Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Bake for 15 minutes.
Crust
6 Cinnamon Graham Crackers, Crushed
4 T. Melted Butter
3 T. Sugar
Crush graham crakers in mini chopper. Add Sugar. Add melted butter. Stir until combined. Place a 1 to 1/2 t. of mixture in each mini cupcake liner.
Filling
Two 8 oz. Packages of Cream Cheese, Softened
2 Eggs
3/4 C. Sugar
1 t. Sugar
Beat the cream cheese until silky smooth and no lumps. Scrape down sides of mixer a couple of times. May take several minutes. Add Sugar and Vanilla. Add eggs one at a time, mixing just until incorporated. Place into gallon baggie and pipe filing on top of crust in cupcake liner.
This will make 48 mini cheesecakes.
Variations
My favorite are the Cherry Almond Bites. Add 1/2 t. almond extract to cream cheese mixture. To a can of cherry pie filling, add 1/2 t. almond extract. Top each cooled cheesecake with the cherry mixture. These had people licking their fingers!
I made Peanut Butter Bites as well. I used crushed oreos in the crust. I put in a mini Reese's Peanut Butter Bell and topped with cream cheese mixture.
Truly you can get imaginative with the flavors!! Zest some lemon or orange peel, top with a dollop of lemon curd. Chocolate Lovers - add mini chocolate chips or cocoa to the filling. Add some canned pumpkin and spices to the filling. Turtle Cheesecakes - add a pecan when the cheesecakes come out of the oven- Let them cool and drizzle with caramel and chocolate ice cream topping.
You will keep coming back to this recipe. I made some this morning for a Christmas party tonight! Cherry all the way… Yummo!
They were an absolute hit and just the right amount of sweet after a big Christmas meal with family. AND… you can mix it up and play with the flavors all you want.
Mini Cheesecake Bites
Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Bake for 15 minutes.
Crust
6 Cinnamon Graham Crackers, Crushed
4 T. Melted Butter
3 T. Sugar
Crush graham crakers in mini chopper. Add Sugar. Add melted butter. Stir until combined. Place a 1 to 1/2 t. of mixture in each mini cupcake liner.
Filling
Two 8 oz. Packages of Cream Cheese, Softened
2 Eggs
3/4 C. Sugar
1 t. Sugar
Beat the cream cheese until silky smooth and no lumps. Scrape down sides of mixer a couple of times. May take several minutes. Add Sugar and Vanilla. Add eggs one at a time, mixing just until incorporated. Place into gallon baggie and pipe filing on top of crust in cupcake liner.
This will make 48 mini cheesecakes.
Variations
My favorite are the Cherry Almond Bites. Add 1/2 t. almond extract to cream cheese mixture. To a can of cherry pie filling, add 1/2 t. almond extract. Top each cooled cheesecake with the cherry mixture. These had people licking their fingers!
I made Peanut Butter Bites as well. I used crushed oreos in the crust. I put in a mini Reese's Peanut Butter Bell and topped with cream cheese mixture.
Truly you can get imaginative with the flavors!! Zest some lemon or orange peel, top with a dollop of lemon curd. Chocolate Lovers - add mini chocolate chips or cocoa to the filling. Add some canned pumpkin and spices to the filling. Turtle Cheesecakes - add a pecan when the cheesecakes come out of the oven- Let them cool and drizzle with caramel and chocolate ice cream topping.
You will keep coming back to this recipe. I made some this morning for a Christmas party tonight! Cherry all the way… Yummo!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Yummy Balls
We have a family tradition every Christmas and that is making Balls. We make Peanut Butter Balls, Bourbon Balls, and Cherry Mash Balls. These take a while to make and we usually set aside a whole day to do these. You get to hang out with the family, listen to Christmas Music and have fun.
I am sure you remember the best Saturday Live Night skit ever, Schweddy Balls. The three recipes follow.
Peanut Butter Balls
2/3 bar of Paraseal Wax
8 oz Plain Chocolate Bar
6 oz pkg Chocolate Chips (semi-sweet)
1 Stick Butter or Oleo
2 Cups creamy peanut butter
4 cups rice crispies (crushed)
1 pound of powdered sugar
Melt Wax in a double boiler. Lower heat and add chocolate bar & chocolate chips. While the mixture is melting, make balls by melting butter or oleo in a pan and after removing from heat add in peanut butter. Pour mixture into a large bowl. Add powdered sugar & cereal. Mix well by hand, DO NOT USE A BEATER! Form into balls and press them hard, making them about the size of a walnut. Place on waxed paper. Dip each into melted chocolate. Place on waxed paper to set. Chill for about an hour. Makes 90-100 balls.
Bourbon Balls
1 can (6 oz) evaporated milk or coconut milk
1 pkg (6 oz) semi-sweet chocolate chips
2 1/2 cups crushed nilla wafers
1/2 cup sifted powdered sugar
1 1/4 cups walnut or pecans
1/3 cup bourbon or whiskey or rum or orange juice
In heavy 2-qt saucepan cook undiluted milk and chocolate over medium heat, stirring, until chocolate is melted and the mixture is smooth. Remove from heat. Add crushed wafers, sugar, 1/2 cup of nuts, the alcohol or juice, mixing well. Let stand @ room temp for 30 mins. Shape into balls 1 inch in diameter. Rolll in remaining nuts. Refrigerate 1 hour or until firm. Makes 4 dozen
Cherry Mash Balls
1 Stick Melted Butter or Oleo
1 can evaporated milk or coconut milk
1 16 oz jar maraschino cherries (chopped and drained)
2 tsps drained cherry juice
2 pkgs dry vanilla frosting mix
2 pounds powered sugar
Mix all ingredients above together and form into balls about 1 inch in diameter. Chill for 1 hour.
In a double boiler: Melt 2 bars sweet german chocolate, 12 oz package semi-sweet chocolate chips, and 3/4 bar parrafin wax and one pound of salted peanuts (peanuts optional.
Dip cherry balls into chocolate place on waxed paper and chill for 1 hour.
I am sure you remember the best Saturday Live Night skit ever, Schweddy Balls. The three recipes follow.
Peanut Butter Balls
2/3 bar of Paraseal Wax
8 oz Plain Chocolate Bar
6 oz pkg Chocolate Chips (semi-sweet)
1 Stick Butter or Oleo
2 Cups creamy peanut butter
4 cups rice crispies (crushed)
1 pound of powdered sugar
Melt Wax in a double boiler. Lower heat and add chocolate bar & chocolate chips. While the mixture is melting, make balls by melting butter or oleo in a pan and after removing from heat add in peanut butter. Pour mixture into a large bowl. Add powdered sugar & cereal. Mix well by hand, DO NOT USE A BEATER! Form into balls and press them hard, making them about the size of a walnut. Place on waxed paper. Dip each into melted chocolate. Place on waxed paper to set. Chill for about an hour. Makes 90-100 balls.
Bourbon Balls
1 can (6 oz) evaporated milk or coconut milk
1 pkg (6 oz) semi-sweet chocolate chips
2 1/2 cups crushed nilla wafers
1/2 cup sifted powdered sugar
1 1/4 cups walnut or pecans
1/3 cup bourbon or whiskey or rum or orange juice
In heavy 2-qt saucepan cook undiluted milk and chocolate over medium heat, stirring, until chocolate is melted and the mixture is smooth. Remove from heat. Add crushed wafers, sugar, 1/2 cup of nuts, the alcohol or juice, mixing well. Let stand @ room temp for 30 mins. Shape into balls 1 inch in diameter. Rolll in remaining nuts. Refrigerate 1 hour or until firm. Makes 4 dozen
Cherry Mash Balls
1 Stick Melted Butter or Oleo
1 can evaporated milk or coconut milk
1 16 oz jar maraschino cherries (chopped and drained)
2 tsps drained cherry juice
2 pkgs dry vanilla frosting mix
2 pounds powered sugar
Mix all ingredients above together and form into balls about 1 inch in diameter. Chill for 1 hour.
In a double boiler: Melt 2 bars sweet german chocolate, 12 oz package semi-sweet chocolate chips, and 3/4 bar parrafin wax and one pound of salted peanuts (peanuts optional.
Dip cherry balls into chocolate place on waxed paper and chill for 1 hour.
You have looked at and made so many balls today, you probably dodn't want to eat one, but don't miss out on the estacy of the taste.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies
My parents have been making these cookies for as long as I can remember. They are my absolute favorite cookies of all time. I asked my mom and dad where the recipe came from and dad said he couldn't remember exactly. He just remembers having these cookies in 1st grade and loved them!
CHOCOLATE OATMEAL COOKIES
2 c. Sugar
1 stick Butter
1/2 c. Milk
1/2 c. cocoa powder
1 tsp. Vanilla
1/2 c. Peanut Butter
3 c. Oatmeal
Cook sugar, butter, milk and cocoa in a saucepan until it boils (bubbles all over the top). Boil for 2 to 3 minutes or until a ball forms when a drop is dropped in cold water (soft-ball stage on candy thermometer). Take from heat and stir in vanilla, peanut butter and oatmeal. Drop by spoonful onto waxed paper.
Hope you Y these as much as I do!
CHOCOLATE OATMEAL COOKIES
2 c. Sugar
1 stick Butter
1/2 c. Milk
1/2 c. cocoa powder
1 tsp. Vanilla
1/2 c. Peanut Butter
3 c. Oatmeal
Cook sugar, butter, milk and cocoa in a saucepan until it boils (bubbles all over the top). Boil for 2 to 3 minutes or until a ball forms when a drop is dropped in cold water (soft-ball stage on candy thermometer). Take from heat and stir in vanilla, peanut butter and oatmeal. Drop by spoonful onto waxed paper.
Hope you Y these as much as I do!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Molasses Cookies
This recipe came from AllRecipes.com. Go check out the reviews on their site for tips from other people who have made minor changes to it. They also have a feature that lets you scale the recipe up or down. I'm pretty generous with my spices, I like these cookies to have big flavor, and I leave out the raisins.
1/2 Cup Shortening
1 1/2 Cups plus 1/2 Cup Sugar
3 Eggs
1/2 Cup Molasses
2 3/4 Cups All-Purpose Flour
1 tsp Baking Soda
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground allspice
1 tsp ground ginger
1 1/2 cups raisins
Preheat oven to 350°. Grease your baking sheets.
In a large bowl, cream together shortening and 1 1/2 cups sugar until smooth. Beat in the eggs one at a time, then stir in the molasses.
Combine the flour, baking soda, cinnamon, allspice, and ginger in a separate bowl; blend into the molasses mixture. Stir in raisins.
Roll tablespoons of dough in the remaining sugar and then place onto prepared baking sheets. Bake for 10 to 13 minutes in preheated oven, or until the center is set. Cool on wire racks. Makes about 2 dozen cookies.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Cranberry Crisp Cookies
Over Thanksgiving my family and I headed to Branson for some Silver Dollar City fun. While we were there, we went to The Culinary and Craft Show. This is a very entertaining cooking show that makes you feel like your sitting in Paula Dean's kitchen. The chef that runs the kitchen is Debbie Dance Uhrig. Very funny lady that makes cooking fun. This is the second show I've been to and I was not disappointed. She made three different recipes for this Christmas Cranberries show. Cranberry Crisp Cookies, Cranberry Bread and Cranberry Sauce. Everything was delicious, but these cookies were my favorite.
CRANBERRY CRISP COOKIES
3/4 c. Sugar
1/4 c. Brown Sugar
3/4 c. Butter, softened
2 Large Eggs
1/2 tsp. Vanilla
1/2 tsp. Cinnamon
1 c. Flour
1 1/2 c. Quick Cooking Oats (not instant)
1/2 tsp. Baking Soda
1/4 tsp. Salt
3/4 c. Dried Cranberries
6 oz. White Chocolate Chips
1/4 c. Black Walnuts, chopped
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cream the butter and sugars together and then begin incorporating remaining ingredients. This will be a rather dry cookie dough. Using an ice cream scoop, place cookies on a parchment-lined cookie sheet. Bake for 10-12 minutes. The cookies are done when they are slightly golden brown.
Hope you enjoy! Y
CRANBERRY CRISP COOKIES
3/4 c. Sugar
1/4 c. Brown Sugar
3/4 c. Butter, softened
2 Large Eggs
1/2 tsp. Vanilla
1/2 tsp. Cinnamon
1 c. Flour
1 1/2 c. Quick Cooking Oats (not instant)
1/2 tsp. Baking Soda
1/4 tsp. Salt
3/4 c. Dried Cranberries
6 oz. White Chocolate Chips
1/4 c. Black Walnuts, chopped
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cream the butter and sugars together and then begin incorporating remaining ingredients. This will be a rather dry cookie dough. Using an ice cream scoop, place cookies on a parchment-lined cookie sheet. Bake for 10-12 minutes. The cookies are done when they are slightly golden brown.
Hope you enjoy! Y
Sunday, December 13, 2009
'Tis the Season
Welcome to Fatty McFatterton Week, I mean Holiday Cookie Week, here at Rambling Hussies. The Hussies all have our favorite cookie recipes so we are going to post some of our best ones right here. There will be a fresh recipe for you each day this week so get 'em while they're hot. Ready, Set, Drool!
This was adapted from a recipe I found online years ago for Mrs. Fields Pecan Supremes. These are really good, whenever I make them people ask me for the recipe. My brother-in-law always asks me to make these for his birthday and I made them so many times one winter that by Christmas, I had the recipe memorized. And you should know that I am a big fan of the barely cooked cookie so this time and temperature will give you a soft, chewy center.
2 Cups Flour
1/2 tsp Baking Soda
1/4 tsp Salt
3/4 Cup Quick Cooking Oats
3/4 Cup Dark Brown Sugar, Packed
3/4 Cup Sugar
1 Stick of Butter
2 Large Eggs
2 tsp Vanilla Extract
1 Cup Chopped Pecans
1 Cup Butterscotch Chips*
Preheat oven to 350°.
In a medium bowl combine flour, baking soda, salt and quick oats. Mix well and set aside. In a large bowl blend sugars with an electric mixer at medium speed. Add the butter to the sugar and mix to form a grainy paste. Scrape down the sides of the bowl and add the eggs one at a time followed by the vanilla. Beat at medium speed until light and fluffy. Add the flour mixture, pecans and chips. Blend at low speed until combined.
Drop dough by rounded tablespoons onto ungreased sheets, about 1 1/2 inches apart. Bake 10 minutes and allow cool on the cookie sheet for about 5 minutes before moving to a cooling rack. Makes about 3 dozen cookies.
*I hate to have stuff like this hanging out open in the freezer so I always just throw in the whole bag. And for what it's worth, I prefer the Hershey's brand.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Rants
Rant 1:
I was in line at the Post Office last week and I was about 8th in line give or take a person. I had two business envelopes to mail that our meter at work said were too heavy so I had to go to the Post Office. I didn’t realize I was there on the last day they would guarantee packages for Christmas, my bad. Anyway I am in line and there is a guy at the counter with an arm full of little packages all going to Mexico, and he had to fill out a customs form for each one. Instead of sending the guy to a desk to fill them out the lady behind the counter let him fill them out there and she did them one at a time. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then I notice a business line and get in it and the other lady asks:
“Do you have one of these?” and flips a blue card at me.
Me: “What is that?”
Lady: “It is a Business Card.”
Me: “Ok I will sign up.”
Lady: “You can’t they are not giving them out anymore.”
Whatever, so I get back in line the guy in front of me said to get back in line behind him he saved my spot for me. Thank God because now there were 10 more people behind where I was. While all this is going on the line has not moved at all. I look back at the counter to the two guys that are back there and they are answering stupid questions from the people mailing items. I want to pull my hair out and yell, “GET OUT OF LINE” Thank you John Pinette. People are asking questions like if I mail this today will it get there tomorrow. No go to UPS for that not the Post Office. I favorite is “Can I buy stamps here at the same time I mail this?” Yes it is the freaking post office.
There needs to be a line for people that just want to mail stuff. They don’t want to ask questions. Just here take this, stamp it and take my money.
Rant 2:
I am in the drive through line at Burger King to get lunch and everyone is in one lane and there are two, so I pull into the 2nd lane and bypass five cars. People look and pay attention you are not lemmings “GET OUT OF LINE” Thank you John Pinette and into another line. Then the car in front of me after I have ordered drives past the pay window and straight to the food window. This stops everything. The food person can’t take money. So the money person opens his window says hang on, walks to the food window and takes Dumb-A$$’s credit card swipes it and takes it back. Then he takes my exact change and I move to the food window. Really is it that hard to read a sign that say s pay here, and pick up here?
Rant 3:
At the bank today and the car in front of me has:
1. No Pen
2. No Deposit Slip
3. No Brain
Really if you are going through the drive through have your stuff filled out and ready to hand the person or:
“GET OUT OF LINE” Thank you John Pinette
I was in line at the Post Office last week and I was about 8th in line give or take a person. I had two business envelopes to mail that our meter at work said were too heavy so I had to go to the Post Office. I didn’t realize I was there on the last day they would guarantee packages for Christmas, my bad. Anyway I am in line and there is a guy at the counter with an arm full of little packages all going to Mexico, and he had to fill out a customs form for each one. Instead of sending the guy to a desk to fill them out the lady behind the counter let him fill them out there and she did them one at a time. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then I notice a business line and get in it and the other lady asks:
“Do you have one of these?” and flips a blue card at me.
Me: “What is that?”
Lady: “It is a Business Card.”
Me: “Ok I will sign up.”
Lady: “You can’t they are not giving them out anymore.”
Whatever, so I get back in line the guy in front of me said to get back in line behind him he saved my spot for me. Thank God because now there were 10 more people behind where I was. While all this is going on the line has not moved at all. I look back at the counter to the two guys that are back there and they are answering stupid questions from the people mailing items. I want to pull my hair out and yell, “GET OUT OF LINE” Thank you John Pinette. People are asking questions like if I mail this today will it get there tomorrow. No go to UPS for that not the Post Office. I favorite is “Can I buy stamps here at the same time I mail this?” Yes it is the freaking post office.
There needs to be a line for people that just want to mail stuff. They don’t want to ask questions. Just here take this, stamp it and take my money.
Rant 2:
I am in the drive through line at Burger King to get lunch and everyone is in one lane and there are two, so I pull into the 2nd lane and bypass five cars. People look and pay attention you are not lemmings “GET OUT OF LINE” Thank you John Pinette and into another line. Then the car in front of me after I have ordered drives past the pay window and straight to the food window. This stops everything. The food person can’t take money. So the money person opens his window says hang on, walks to the food window and takes Dumb-A$$’s credit card swipes it and takes it back. Then he takes my exact change and I move to the food window. Really is it that hard to read a sign that say s pay here, and pick up here?
Rant 3:
At the bank today and the car in front of me has:
1. No Pen
2. No Deposit Slip
3. No Brain
Really if you are going through the drive through have your stuff filled out and ready to hand the person or:
“GET OUT OF LINE” Thank you John Pinette
Friday, December 11, 2009
Roadside Revelations
I started a new job in semi-small town Kansas a month ago. The first thing I will say about this town is it is a little White Trashy. And to prove my point I will take you on a short journey down Roadside Revelations.
I ran over to Wally World; that in and of itself can be white trash, but I went in for bottled water, so hopefully that saves me from being white trash. On my drive back I decided to stop at Mickey D’s, I know also white trash, to get a drink. As I pulled into the parking lot my eyes beheld a sight which I had never seen:
A Dodge Ram 1500 with a Cab on the back. You ask what is so different or White Trash about this? It was not the Truck or the Cab itself that were odd or white trash. OK maybe the Cab was white trash. It was how they were assembled. Look closely at the picture below. The Sleeping Cab is held onto the truck with a TIE DOWN. This Sleeping Cab is not bolted in and secure like it should be. I guess it was too much money to have it properly installed, so Mr. White Trash used a TIE DOWN so it would not fall out of the bed of the truck.
White Trash moment 2 of the day, as I was driving back to the office I pass the Cash for Gold Store, and there is a dude standing out there every day with a sign and dancing like a monkey. Today however he is wearing a reject Cat in the Hat type of chapeau, and a long Yellow Coat. How desperate are you to get people in this store that you dress up like the illegitimate love child of the Cat in the Hat and a banana. Now I am not knocking the Cash for Gold Store. They have a legitimate business and I say good for them, but can they at least not look like a Pawn Shop that has done one too many hits of crack? See Crack Baby below: By the way the sign is pointing the wrong way.
Oh the joys of small town white trash. All Hail Eddie from the Vacation Movies. Peace Out.
I ran over to Wally World; that in and of itself can be white trash, but I went in for bottled water, so hopefully that saves me from being white trash. On my drive back I decided to stop at Mickey D’s, I know also white trash, to get a drink. As I pulled into the parking lot my eyes beheld a sight which I had never seen:
A Dodge Ram 1500 with a Cab on the back. You ask what is so different or White Trash about this? It was not the Truck or the Cab itself that were odd or white trash. OK maybe the Cab was white trash. It was how they were assembled. Look closely at the picture below. The Sleeping Cab is held onto the truck with a TIE DOWN. This Sleeping Cab is not bolted in and secure like it should be. I guess it was too much money to have it properly installed, so Mr. White Trash used a TIE DOWN so it would not fall out of the bed of the truck.
White Trash moment 2 of the day, as I was driving back to the office I pass the Cash for Gold Store, and there is a dude standing out there every day with a sign and dancing like a monkey. Today however he is wearing a reject Cat in the Hat type of chapeau, and a long Yellow Coat. How desperate are you to get people in this store that you dress up like the illegitimate love child of the Cat in the Hat and a banana. Now I am not knocking the Cash for Gold Store. They have a legitimate business and I say good for them, but can they at least not look like a Pawn Shop that has done one too many hits of crack? See Crack Baby below: By the way the sign is pointing the wrong way.
Oh the joys of small town white trash. All Hail Eddie from the Vacation Movies. Peace Out.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Yeah, Maybe if Rob Zombie Was Your Mom
The ads on Facebook are just terrible. Terrible! Most of them are full of grammatical errors and misspelled words. And let me tell you, if I'm finding the mistakes, they are bad. The rest are just ridiculously obvious scams. This one has to be my favorite of all of them. I can't decide if someone just had their head up their ass and linked to the wrong image or maybe this one has been hacked. Either way, I like it.
Monday, December 7, 2009
The Consequences
It would seem that lately I am not holding my shit together quite as well as I had thought. Last night it took me three trips through the check out line at the grocery store to get everything I needed. I got everything that was on my list and paid. Then realized that I forgot to pick up the carry-out Chinese that The Kid wanted for dinner. The cashier said I could leave my basket off to the side of her register and go get what I needed. I got the sweet and sour chicken and paid for it at the carry-out counter because there was no line. As I'm headed back across the store to get the groceries that I left with the cashier I realized that I also forgot to get water. One more trip though the line and I'm finally free. Only to get home and realize that I failed to pick up a ham for Friends Thanksgiving and I will still have to go back!
You might be wondering why I would buy something like water. Is there something wrong with the water you get in JoCo, you may ask. And the answer is yes, there is something very wrong with it. They turned mine off. You see when Trophy Husband abandoned me (yep, I said it, abandoned) for the Sinai Peninsula he told me that he had set up all of the bills to be paid though our bank. This is how we handle them anyway, no big deal. He failed to tell me (or at least I failed to listen when he told me) that the water bill was not being paid that way. I opened a statement a few weeks ago and found it was past due, TH told me I needed to pay it. And I should have done it right then but I was at work and my wallet was in the car and then I forgot. For two weeks.
I arrived home last night to find the following on the kitchen table. I immediately called and paid the bill. I've had the money this whole time, I just forgot.
Now look closely at the part that talks about who to call for reconnection and what hours they will be there. I called at 5:35 and was told by a pleasant voice on a recording that they closed at 5 p.m.. The notice says 7 p.m.. It's right there, in black and yellow.
This morning I started calling them at 8:00, that's when they open according to the notice. Five attempts later they finally answered at 8:10. She asks if I paid the bill, wanted the confirmation number and told me someone would be out between 2 p.m. and 5 p.m. today and there had to be someone at the house at that time.
"Will that be all?" Why no, that most certainly will not be all. And I told her about the discrepancy in the actual office hours and what was printed on the notice. "Read it to me" she says. So I read the first paragraph under To Arrange for Service Reconnection and stopped. "Please continue" she insisted, getting quite snotty now. I told her that was it as far as reconnection, the rest covers the consequences of a second attempt. "No, there's more there, a second number?" Uh, nope, that's pretty much it. "Please hold." She returned from an extended hold to inform me that if I had been more patient and waited when I called them last night I would have been rolled over to another line and we could have had the water turned on last night. OM-FREAKING-G! Living like we were camping, even if just overnight, has been a huge pain the the ass. And I get that I brought it on myself, but when the messages that basically says "Ha, you didn't pay up, you're a looser and now you're f*cked" ends and is followed with a long pause... I'm going to go ahead and assume that will be all.
I asked her how long I was supposed to wait through the silence at the end of the message and that must have really ticked her off because she went straight into her "We'll be happy to look into this matter for you and if that is all good day" click. Yep, she hung up on me.
Update:
They just turned the water back on. I can clearly see now why it was so important for me to be here to watch the old geezer park in my driveway, walk across my lawn, remove the cover and stick his little pole down into the ground and give it a twist. One can only marvel that he managed to turn it off all by himself the day before.
Friday, December 4, 2009
A Very Ferguson Funeral
This is an old Polaroid that was taken of an antique truck that my grandfather bought and restored. At least I think it's one that was restored, there's about 15 of them out on the farm in a barn.
Have you ever seen National Lampoons Christmas Vacation? I've lived that. It was a long time ago, and none of my relatives actually showed up to dinner in polyester pants and a dickey, but it was pretty close. The dog even knocked over the Christmas tree. We were rocking the white trash that year. And that's just how it goes with my family every now and then. Or most of the time. What do you expect when the family business is trash pick up. But don't sneer, there's money in trash. You just have to sell it right. My sister and I are heiresses to the sanitation fortune in Smalltown, Kansas where there's darn little in the way of competition. We could totally kick Paris and Nicky's pampered little asses. :)
My grandfather started that business a million years ago, my dad and uncle took over when he retired half a million years ago. Last Thursday, my grandfather died of a heart attack. Grandma has been sick for a long time but he was in good shape so this was pretty surprising to all of us. But GPa did live a loooong and healthy life and when I last saw him, a couple of weeks ago, he was still dishing it up with the rest of us. Smart-ass is a dominant family trait and he was the king.
In typical Ferguson style, this was a bit of a mess. He was sent to the wrong funeral home, embalmed instead of cremated, and the Masons who presided over the burial were really thrown for a loop by the cremation. Their patent ceremony had to be rewritten on the fly and I really felt bad for the poor old guy who had to do the improvising. It was pretty cool when the preacher at the service read from the gospels of Antique Truck Magazine.
I had no idea just how popular GPa had been. The line of well-wishers at the visitation went on forever. We were there for almost 3 hours greeting people. I shook hands and hugged people I had never met, some I had not seen since I was little and some I had never even heard of. GPa was a big McDonald's fan, he and GMa were there for every breakfast and lunch. There were a LOT of people from Micky D's there that night. I wonder if they went in shifts so that they could keep the store open. We should have saved them the trouble and had the visitation there. Health codes be damned!
Leading up to the day of there ceremony my Dad needed a suit so my sister and I, Mom and Dad and The Kid did something that we had never done before... We all went shopping together. Dad decided he would be more comfortable in a mock turtle-neck than a dress shirt so once the suit was picked out we had to round up one of those. In true Ferguson fashion, Dad whipped off his shirt right there in the middle of JCPenny's and tried one on.
Oh, and on my way into Smalltown to meet my family for the funeral I got a speeding ticket. As I drove past the cemetery. Where there was a ceremony taking place for someone else. And another person's funeral procession was just arriving. The last car with flashing lights passed me and there was a cop. He pulled right out behind me. As soon as he lit 'em up, I pulled over. I had my licence and insurance right there for him, he never said much to me nor did I have the chance to say anything to him other than "Yes Sir" and "No Sir." Come to find out, GPa had gotten a ticket in this exact spot a couple of months ago. And tried unsuccessfully to get out of it. He then asked the cop where he lived. GPa was making a crack about making sure he didn't speed down the cops' street but the cop wasn't laughing.
Never a dull moment with us.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Oversharer-er
I have come to the alarming conclusion that I am a oversharer-er. My fellow hussies will attest...heck they are probably thinking, "DUH...we've only known that as long as we've known you." But seriously, I give too much information about myself, my life, my family and so forth.
I can't tell you why I do this. I just do. My life and the happenings/goings ons in my life don't mean as much to others. Heck, most are probably tired of me talking about me and my issues. Geez. I find this quality in myself annoying sometimes. Is it a quality or a detriment?
I share so much about what is going on with me that I get my feelings hurt when people don't do the same. I care about my family and friends. I want to be there for them no matter what. I try not to judge people. (Except maybe the girl at the grocery store that was wearing the camel toe pants and too-tight top, but I digress).
I doubt I will be able to change this oversharing ability that I have. And, I am not sure if I want to. =)
I can't tell you why I do this. I just do. My life and the happenings/goings ons in my life don't mean as much to others. Heck, most are probably tired of me talking about me and my issues. Geez. I find this quality in myself annoying sometimes. Is it a quality or a detriment?
I share so much about what is going on with me that I get my feelings hurt when people don't do the same. I care about my family and friends. I want to be there for them no matter what. I try not to judge people. (Except maybe the girl at the grocery store that was wearing the camel toe pants and too-tight top, but I digress).
I doubt I will be able to change this oversharing ability that I have. And, I am not sure if I want to. =)
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